if i can run in heels then i can drive
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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