Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
