you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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