I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
