I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
