She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
