I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
