I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize