My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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