she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
