Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
