he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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