I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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