Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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