i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
