I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
