Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
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