Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We need to get me chipped asap
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
