Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
