He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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