his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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