This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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