MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
