ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
And the cops told us we were all naked.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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