Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
