the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
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