I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
