just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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