I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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