Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
