i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
