Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
