Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
