woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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