and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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