This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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