"it" just moved
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
