There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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