I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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