Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
