physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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