I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
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