How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
