i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
