Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
