I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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