She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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