Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
