WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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