So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Is Oprah even human
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
