Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
