and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Everclear isn't food dammit
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
