I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
