i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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