So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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