My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
