just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
