Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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