haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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