As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
