I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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