was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
