i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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