Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You're a waste of cheezeits
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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