You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Need sex. Gaining weight.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
