**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
