I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
