good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
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The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
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Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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