I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
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I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
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I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
please don't ironically join a cult
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