I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
