I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I wish you could order shots online.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
