I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize