So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.