you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
