She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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