my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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