It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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