Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just pee around me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize