took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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