She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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